Do you ever actually say what’s on your mind?
People are so hypocritical about this.
They preach honesty and claim that true happiness comes from being yourself. Yet, the moment you are genuinely yourself, they get upset.
All in all, you’re free to critique others, but the moment the criticism is aimed at them, you’re expected to stay silent.
The truth is, we despise the idea of things being hidden from us almost as much as we hate confronting our own flaws. Honesty isn’t about true transparency; It’s about creating the illusion of transparency for others.
People admire honesty only when it doesn’t affect them. They’ll applaud someone who shares controversial truths as long as those truths don’t impact their own lives. But the moment honesty is directed at them, that person is deemed “rude,” “stupid,” “harsh,” and someone they’d rather avoid.
More often than not, it’s the way people feel in your presence that matters over honesty.
Telling the truth won’t win you friends. It won’t help you climb the social ladder, nor will it make romantic relationships easier. But harsh truths, delivered unapologetically, can be a powerful filter to separate genuine friends from the rest.
I have friends with whom I can joke about clothes, haircuts, and pretty much anything that pops into my head when we hang out. I don’t filter myself. I don’t hold back. I speak my mind, and they do the same for me.
It’s a relief because I know I’ll get real, honest feedback from that group. They are — we are — tough, but true.
But here’s the trap: thinking you can get this kind of dynamic with everyone. That’s where you’re dead wrong.
Don’t believe a word they say when they claim to love honesty. It’s just their masochistic way of getting you to spill your unfiltered thoughts about them. They may feel relieved by the truth, but they’ll still get angry at the depth of your honesty.
Starting off with complete transparency in relationships won’t earn you recognition — it will only lead to rejection.
Let time do the filtering. Let it decide whether they deserve a spot in your inner circle, where you can talk smack about each other’s tastes without any big consequences.
Until next time,
Julfi
