Good Leaders Know How to Make ‘Fuck You’ Sounds Like ‘Thank You’
Most people learn to talk when they’re young, and it feels like that’s all there is to it.
As long as they can express their needs, that should be enough, right?
As long as they can talk to their parents and teachers, they’re good to go, isn’t it?
Well… that’s not exactly the case, and here’s why. There are many different ways to communicate, depending on the situation, and you know that.
You don’t talk the same way to your parents as you do to your friends. Or to your parents-in-law as to your girlfriend. And among all these, one of the most surprising and sometimes tricky ways to communicate is in the world of work.
Have you ever been fired? Or found yourself in a difficult conversation with a company’s HR department?
It’s never as straightforward as:
- “You’re not a good fit for the job,”
- “We have economic issues and need to let someone go. Since you haven’t been here long, it’s you.”
You’ll run into long discussions filled with buzzwords like “asset,” “honesty,” “commitment,” and “roadmap.” It’s like decoding hieroglyphics just to figure out the real message. A way of communicating that sugarcoats everything to make it easier to accept.
Because, let’s face it, we’re talking about jobs here. About the things people rely on to eat, survive, and hopefully thrive in life.
What I’m talking about here is bad corporate communication — so full of clichés it’s impossible to ignore.
But what happens when it’s done well?
I’ve had moments in my career where I walked out of a tough meeting with a smile, only to realize hours or days later just how bad the situation actually was.
I’ve even felt happy about being fired, at first, only to later understand the chaos it created in my life. This isn’t dark magic; this is a skill good leaders master. And that skill boils down to one key element: the ego.
When people close their eyes, they envision an ideal self. They view themselves as the hero of their own story. The person they aspire to be but haven’t yet become.
The more you reflect that ideal image back to them, the better they’ll feel when they’re around you.
Corporate jargon acts as a careful, risk-averse way to manage employees’ egos and, if done right, can even boost their self-esteem. That’s useful, but if you really want to take it to the next level, you’ll need to put your human skills to the test.
- What are their biggest proudest moments?
- What kind of recognition do they respond to the most?
- What are their personal values or guiding principles? Political side?
- Do they thrive in structured settings or creative, flexible spaces?
To be a good leader, you must learn to absorb those ego clues. Only then can you transform “fuck you” into “thank you” like a dark Machiavelian magician.
Conversely, avoid ego traps. Remember, what they’re saying isn’t what they mean. This is crucial.
